An Honest Review of the new Dr. Strange

First of all, it was bad. I give it one jakeface out of ten. /10

Let me give some context: Morbius came out on April fools day, 2022, which was appropriate, because the whole movie is a huge joke. It's tanked in the box office and gets a FIVE, yes, you heard me, a FIVE on IMDB, meaning it SUCKS. It's been mocked, ridiculed, and has gotten Jared Leto on the cover of Men's Health (yes, that happened). If you're unfamiliar with the comics (you are), Michael Morbius is a living vampire. That's it. He's a scientist or doctor or something, I don't know, but the comics are garbage, and the movie is absolutely dogwater according to everyone who's seen it. So of course I wanted to go and buy some tickets for it. But I couldn't, because a) I have no money, b) when I did, I asked my girlfriend, "Can we go see Morbius, pleeeeease?" and she said, "No, why would we go to a movie we know is going to be bad." Good point -- but not the right approach. First of all, it would be hilarious. Second of all, refer to point one. But, I forgot #3 which is that my girlfriend is always right. So we didn't go and see Morbius.

BUT, Anna did want to see soooome new Marvel movie. And it turns out the new Doctor Strange flick was hitting the theaters the day before a date we were planning. So she bought tickets to it and we went to see it. And my God... was it bad. First of all, it's advertised as a horror/comedy. Let's get some things straight: it was not scary, and it was not funny. And this is coming from a guy who's scared of everything and laughs at anything. I almost fell asleep during the movie (this might have had something to do with how I was laying on Anna's boobs), but I couldn't, because every 5 minutes someone would scream "AHHH I'M IN THE MULTIVERSE AND I'M GETTING MORBED!!!" (not precisely, but something like that). The premise of the movie is that there's this Mexican girl from a universe where Mexico doesn't exist, and she's able to travel the multiverse when she gets really scared. And when you have dreams, you're actually just seeing another universe. And Wanda, the Scarlet Witch, has dreams about having two kids, and she wants to see them, so she becomes evil and morbs everyone so she can get to the Mexican girl to maim her and use her powers to travel to see her kids from another universe. The movie starts out with a scene that's 99.9999991% CGI and doesn't make any sense, then the rest of the movie is just: a) screaming, b) artsyfartsy faux-"deep" "psychological horror" (cringe) c) makes no sense. There were like 3 jokes in the whole movie. And a spoiler: there's a scene where they (Strange, and America, who is the Mexican girl) travel to a universe where 1) Dr. Strange died 2) The Avengers include Jim from The Office (actually John Krasinski as a member of the Fantastic Four, but come on) and Professor X, and 3) The Scarlet Witch makes this guy's mouth go away and then when he tries to talk it explodes his face. It felt like when they were making the movie they were thinking, ok, what would make absolutely 0 sense and be completely random in this scene? And then that's what they put in the film for every single second. The stuff that was supposed to be "disturbing" just made the theater laugh or go "WHAT?".

And the ending of the movie was completely predictable. All in all, bad movie. But still, you could go see it. If you wanted. You might as well go and see Morbius.